Dear DM Diary: Entry 1

Before we dive into MYYYY DM let me just make it clear that πŸ’πŸ½ I am single!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! S-I-N-G-L-E. *yes, I sang that* I’m leavin no room for misunderstanding, k? Y’all got it, right? Bol πŸ˜‚ I don’t care if you saw a dude in a snap or it looked like I was on a date or I’m suddenly ✨”glowing”✨…nah, Nah, NAH. πŸ™…πŸ½ Ain’t no BAE. Just possiBAEs πŸ™„ So say it with me—> SINGLE. *owww* 

So about my DM….

Last year I said I would open all DMs in 2017 😩 *HA HA HA* πŸ˜‚ Son!! What was I thinkin’? The good thing is that I said I would OPEN, not RESPOND! GOT EMMMMMM!!! JK JK…. *can you tell it is REALLY hard for me to be serious* 

Anyway…let me share with y’all the latest buffoonery that slid in my dm…

(((WAIT!! I have a question. Why do dudes send you pics you posted of you?! Thee hell????? Sendin ME a pic of ME is CREEPYYY *I wasn’t even tryna rhyme* I mean…it’s better than sendin’ them ashy washed out lookin’ *eggplants emoji* y’all THINK we wanna see but STILLLLLL – this is weird but maybe it’s just me πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ)))

BACK! ON! TRACK!

So I got a DM that said: “Emon of life” —- I can’t even type this without laughin. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ OF LIFE?! Who’s life?! Like the head of your life?? “First giving honor to Emon of life…” NOOOOO πŸ˜©πŸ˜‚ I’m weak all ova again πŸ˜©πŸ˜‚ sir, this is not acceptable. Aite. Moving forward. So I follow buddy on IG but ion kno who he is. (Don’t judge me. I followed back everyone once upon a time 😌) Y’all kno I replied and said: “WHAT?!” (I’m sorry but the “of life” took me outttt) So he proceeds to ask where I lived 😳 ummm it’s in my profile 1 and 2 why?! Fa what? You’on care about my well-being first? Dang! I very short said “NYC”. And BAM πŸ’₯ Here we go…… Now I’m on his page tryna figure out who he is and if we have mutual friends (we do)… all selfies, pics with his son, his business, yada yada yada and then a car pic captioned “For my amazing wife” πŸ€”πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘ well I’ll be damned πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ not one pic of her. And I went back 2 years. 2 πŸ‘πŸΎ WHOLEπŸ‘πŸΎYEARSπŸ‘πŸΎ So now I’m salty that he even hopped in my inbox all confident and ish and wasn’t talkin bout business πŸ’° Ain’t nuffin I can help you with OF LIFE! Issa NO.

So I told him “I don’t think we’ve met and I’m not interested in changing that”. 

He says, “we haven’t because I’m shy”.

I told him to stop lyin and that my eyes work. He asked, “so what do you see”… Me: “Ya WIFE! Bye and blocked of life” 

Bruh. This has gotta stop. Social media makes it wayyy too easy to figure things out. (I won’t lie. I got played y’all 😩 about a year ago πŸ˜‚ I can laugh now but it makes me HOT 😑 when I think about it. I’ll tell y’all about that lata) I am legit Inspector Gadget, *doo doo doo doo doot doot do doo*πŸ•΅πŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ•΅πŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ•΅πŸ½β€β™€οΈ I’m talkin zoom in on shoppin bags and discover the store from a piece of the logo 😎 Don’t agitate me lol I will find out. One πŸ‘πŸΎway πŸ‘πŸΎor πŸ‘πŸΎanotha πŸ™ƒ K? K!  

Nothin’ but love,

Emon✨

14 Comments

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  1. Emon of Life
    πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€”πŸ€”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lmboooooooo!
    1. You need Jesus
    2. I hate when dudes send you a pic of yourself
    3. Married dudes stay on the prowl. Smh.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lol! πŸ˜‚ Love it beautiful! Lol πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. lolol… girl, I swear I you are my kindred spirit… like seriously…no joke, no grin… no skinned teeth… judge serious.

    Liked by 1 person

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